24 hours and 2 posts later, I really like this blogging shit. It's cool, it fits me, but a lot of people have read my blog already and want me to write with more depth, and want me to pour out my soul and shit like that, and I will, but that shit takes times. I can't just spill it all right now, I gotta get into it first, it's coming soon though, so just relax people.
As the days go on, it seems that instead of my dreams getting closer, they're getting farther away. I try to keep em from slipping through my fingers, but it seems that the tighter I try to grab them and hold on to em, the more and more they slip out of my reach. But I'ma keep working towards what I want, and let God handle the rest. If my dreams are what's meant for me then they'll come...
This past school semester has been rough for me. A lot of shit went wrong and just had me all fucked up mentally. My classes this past semester were a little harder then before, me and my girl for a lil over a year had broke up on some bullshit, I had a lot of shit going on. I was, and still am in the process of transferring schools, I was hooping and working out all the time, and I just went through a lil rough patch of just not giving a fuck about anything. I was going to class, and doing the work, but I wasn't giving the effort I know i should have been. Now, I'm in a even more fucked up position, my gpa dropped significantly and it might hinder me from getting accepted into the other school. I can honestly say I fucked up, and I can accept full responsibility for it, but I know God will make a way, and once he opens up these doors for me to have a fresh start at a new school, I'ma be back on track, doing the things I shoulda been doing in the first place.
No lie, me and my girl breaking up was a big blow for me and it kinda kicked off my non-chalant, not giving a fuck about shit mood. And as fucked up as it is, I can admit that she had that big of an effect on me. I loved the girl. I was in deep, and thats what happens when you're deep in love and shit goes wrong, it fucks you up, it hurts. And it still does. I'm not tripping on it anymore, but I'd be lying if I said this shit don't still hurt sometimes cause it does, and I be mad at myself that I allowed myself to get in soo deep and be hurt so bad, after my whole life I told myself I would never let a female get that close to me, never allow a female the power to hurt me as much as she did, but it's apart of life right?
I feel bad though, cause I feel like it was my fault, like I wasn't doing something right, but oh well. I feel bad for the next girl that really does love me though, cause this last one took a lot out of me, and I aint got shit left to give. I hate it to say it, but I know I'ma hold back from future females in my attempt to avoid this shit from ever happening again.
I'm through for now, I can't keep talkin about this shit, saying the same shit over and over...I'll blog again later.
Shout outs go to my Big Sis Jade...love you lots sis, you always been here through all the bullshit, I appreciate you! And to my big head lil sis Erica, you always encouraging me and supporting me, thanks sis, love you!
::Signing off::
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Post #2
It's 1 o'clock in the morning and my day is just about over. It's been a pretty eventless day, woke up, chilled, went to work, came home, worked out, ate, and now I'm blogging. I'm feeling iight, not really tired, thinking bout a lil bit of shit, but not a whole lot. I'm just focused mostly right now, focused on life, focused on making it. I got big dreams and aint nobody gon keep me from gettin to em. I gotta make it, and when I do, I'ma still keep reachin for higher ground. Like I said I gotta make it, it's already planned, predetermined, and it's going to happen no matter what.
On another note, today I realized that a lot of these females today aint bout shit, it's crazy the way the roles have changed. It used to be dudes that was doing these women in and just breaking they hearts and shit, and it still is a lot of niggas on that same bullshit, but women have caught up to em too. And honestly, I can't say I blame em. A lot of females have been hurt by niggas they gave they all to, and to avoid ever being hurt again they don't get attached. It's just fucked up when these females hurt good niggas, and it's the same way when these niggas hurt good females. It's all bullshit really. But it's life. When it comes to females and me, I been single for a few months now, and it aint really that bad. Yeah I do miss having that one person who I can go to about anything and lay up wit and shit like that, but I rather not have any of that then go through the bullshit and the lies that come with being with some females. Not all, just some. It's annoying though cause it seem like all females is on bullshit. And honestly my whole thing is, just be real about shit. You aint gotta lie about shit, you aint gotta pretend about shit, the whole lil ordeal can go a whole lot more smoother if you just be real about it you know.
But shit, that's enough for me, I don't wanna go into anymore detail about that. It's about that time, I'm through blogging for the day, I'll be sure to post another one tomorrow...
::Signing off::
On another note, today I realized that a lot of these females today aint bout shit, it's crazy the way the roles have changed. It used to be dudes that was doing these women in and just breaking they hearts and shit, and it still is a lot of niggas on that same bullshit, but women have caught up to em too. And honestly, I can't say I blame em. A lot of females have been hurt by niggas they gave they all to, and to avoid ever being hurt again they don't get attached. It's just fucked up when these females hurt good niggas, and it's the same way when these niggas hurt good females. It's all bullshit really. But it's life. When it comes to females and me, I been single for a few months now, and it aint really that bad. Yeah I do miss having that one person who I can go to about anything and lay up wit and shit like that, but I rather not have any of that then go through the bullshit and the lies that come with being with some females. Not all, just some. It's annoying though cause it seem like all females is on bullshit. And honestly my whole thing is, just be real about shit. You aint gotta lie about shit, you aint gotta pretend about shit, the whole lil ordeal can go a whole lot more smoother if you just be real about it you know.
But shit, that's enough for me, I don't wanna go into anymore detail about that. It's about that time, I'm through blogging for the day, I'll be sure to post another one tomorrow...
::Signing off::
New To This Bloggin Shit
So today is my first day doing this blogging thing, and I think I kinda like it. I think it's gon be a daily routine for me, but my blogs are gon be about some real shit. I plan on getting everything out, I'ma clear my head everyday on this here blogsite, not tryna gain fame, or a bunch of fans readin my shit, but just to clear my head, it'll keep me from holding in all this bullshit that otherwise wouldn't come out.
In other news tho, a lil bit about me, I'ma 20 year old college junior, I did the first 2 years at Valparaiso University in Indiana, but right now I'm in the process of transferrin schools, it's either gon be Calumet College of St. Joseph, or Clark Atlanta University. I'm transferring schools cause one, I got a chancen to do one of the things I been wantin to do my whole life, play ball. I been doing a few workouts with Calumet College on some hoopin shit and if everything goes the way I want it to, I'll be playing for them next year, but if not, I'ma be in the A, at Clark Atlanta. Aside from all the hoop shit, I got other plans too, I love writing. It's my next favorite thing to do aside from hoopin. It helps me release my anger and it allows me to be somewhat distant from the world cuz I don't have to open my mouth and talk to anybody about anything. I was never one that could talk to people face to face about a lot of stuff. I just have a problem expressing myself the way I want to when face to face with someone, but on paper I can say just about anything in any way that I want. It's a gift.
That's it for now, I'll be thru here later to write some more...
P.S. My first blog posts goes out to my Big Sister Jade, Love you lots sis!! She put me on this blogging thing and told me I should do it, she said it might help.
::Signing off::
-Dey-Dey
In other news tho, a lil bit about me, I'ma 20 year old college junior, I did the first 2 years at Valparaiso University in Indiana, but right now I'm in the process of transferrin schools, it's either gon be Calumet College of St. Joseph, or Clark Atlanta University. I'm transferring schools cause one, I got a chancen to do one of the things I been wantin to do my whole life, play ball. I been doing a few workouts with Calumet College on some hoopin shit and if everything goes the way I want it to, I'll be playing for them next year, but if not, I'ma be in the A, at Clark Atlanta. Aside from all the hoop shit, I got other plans too, I love writing. It's my next favorite thing to do aside from hoopin. It helps me release my anger and it allows me to be somewhat distant from the world cuz I don't have to open my mouth and talk to anybody about anything. I was never one that could talk to people face to face about a lot of stuff. I just have a problem expressing myself the way I want to when face to face with someone, but on paper I can say just about anything in any way that I want. It's a gift.
That's it for now, I'll be thru here later to write some more...
P.S. My first blog posts goes out to my Big Sister Jade, Love you lots sis!! She put me on this blogging thing and told me I should do it, she said it might help.
::Signing off::
-Dey-Dey
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